Six De-escalation Techniques

By Dorit Goikhman
Founding Attorney

Become a problem solver. These six transformative techniques can change your life by changing the way you interact with and understand others.

De-escalation techniques are useful in mediation and negotiation, but they can also be applied in nearly any other situation. People who use these techniques are seen as leaders who can command a negotiation. They are also seen as problem solvers who are in control over their emotions, and care for others.

Whether it’s resolving a business dispute or a negotiation with your spouse over the remote control – de-escalation techniques are transformative. Give them a try.

1. Listening. Listening is one of the simplest and most effective tools for de-escalation. Regardless of the issue at hand, most people just want to be heard. You would be surprised how far the act of listening can take you in your negotiation.
2. Making Eye Contact. It’s difficult to remain angry with someone when they’re looking you in the eye. Maintaining eye contact reminds us that we are all just people. This technique often leads to softening on both sides.
3. Avoiding Name Calling. Name calling arouses emotion in the listener, making it hard for each parties to remain logical and stick to the issues. You’ll find it easier to make your point if you avoid inflaming emotions.
4. Avoiding Ancient History. Avoid bringing up unnecessary events from the past. Stick to the facts needed to resolve your issue.
5. Using Helpful Body Language. Eye rolling, exasperated sighs, and closed body language are likely to have a negative effect on negotiations. Keep an open posture, and be mindful of your facial expressions.
6. Making Space. Ego is the enemy of fruitful negotiation. Think creatively about how you can make space for the other party to make a concession without making them feel Iike they are a “bad person” or “losing.”

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About the Author

Dorit L. Goikhman is a licensed attorney, with years of experience representing clients throughout Central California in business, real estate, and family matters. After witnessing numerous clients spend fortunes and waste years of their lives in litigation, Dorit became interested in mediation and all that it has to offer. Dorit is committed in helping parties work together to obtain a mutually acceptable solution to their disputes at a fair price. Her approach is to keep things simple, confidential, and efficient with the goal of preserving the parties’ assets, reputations, and sanity. If you have any questions regarding this blog, you can contact Dorit here.